People who date as adults often wonder: “How did I wind up here?” “I can’t believe I’m doing this again” or sarcastically “I’m dating online so of course my life has gone exactly as planned.” Does anyone in their twenties ever envision themselves at this point in life in their forties and beyond? Nothing in society or upbringing ever prepares us for dating at this age. At this point you may feel judged, awkward, like a loser, and as one man’s profile stated, “this is soul-sucking.”
Let’s start with why we wrote this book. The seeds were planted over a few years and really grew over the COVID-19 quarantine time with thoughts, reflections and reevaluations. Even after a vaccine becomes available, people will take the lessons from this period which will affect how they live going forward. Behaviors will be modified and extra attention will be given to cleanliness and hygiene. More time will be spent in safer surroundings at home. We believe that there will be a return to a home-based society where people don’t venture outside of their homes the way they used to for both work and play.
We’ve both availed ourselves for years to friends, willingly serving as advisors to those who seek guidance, experienced advice and help with (seemingly) every crisis that arises.This book isn’t our first attempt at helping others with their personal relationships, it’s just the first time we have ever put it down on paper. We hope to help many find love and happiness, even in the midst of a pandemic: Love, during a very difficult time.As we strategized about how best to help people in their quest for a partner in this challenging new age, we were adamant that the book must be written from the perspectives of both men and women.
Soon after the COVID-19 crisis descended on us, we speculated about the possible effects it would have upon society. We discussed which economic sectors, businesses and hobbies would be affected the most by COVID-19 and in its aftermath. (Would it be all, or just some? There was no playbook, so all we could do is speculate, with no clear answers.) Next, our discussions evolved (of course), to include social psychology: in which ways would the pandemic affect human behavior? What intrigued us most were the questions of ways in which human interactions would change—especially dating. This part of the discussion was deep and long, prompting us to make the decision to write a book about it.We are two professionals in our fifties, both formally educated with vast “real world” experience.
Allowing both men and women to speak freely about their desires and deal breakers helped us clarify the main issues in 21st Century dating. The same themes presented themselves repeatedly, with amazing consistency.We ask that you (readers) remember that every person is unique, even moreso as we age because of the wide range of life experiences that shape every individual. Every experience, every relationship contributes to the makeup of the human personality. Every person has a story, and part of forming a relationship is taking the time and energy to learn the other person’s story, bit by bit. We hope to help many find love and happiness.
We heard the same list of universal complaints and desires repeatedly from both genders. In order to get a true picture of what women want, and what issues women have with men—it’s necessary actually to ask women. By the same token, to get a true picture of what men want, and the issues men have with women—obviously, it’s essential to talk to men, and ask them to discuss their wants and needs. From the beginning of time, the many and vast differences between men and women have been documented in literature and music. The psychological makeup of the genders is vastly different—and therein has lain the conundrum. As both individual humans and as members of our respective genders, too often we cannot see in ourselves the things that others see in us.